What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
