I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
