you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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