You can't motorboat a personality
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
