need another drink. this is the easiest way
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
