Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
