So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I came so hard my ears popped.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
