He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
