hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
