She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
