remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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