i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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