I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
