i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
