So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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