Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
