he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
