OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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