Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
