we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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