shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize