Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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