Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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