what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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