Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
