They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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