so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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