I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
