You're my little dorito
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
