Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
