life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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