I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
