i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
