I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
