It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
