hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
