My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Randomize
