The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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