My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
