Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize