Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
