I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
