Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
