I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
