I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
