I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
