It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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