Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I puked a lego.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
