So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
