operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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