I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
