Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
