while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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