I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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