My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
