I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Walk of Shame today included voting.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
