So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize