I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
