I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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