1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
