No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
