rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
