You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
