so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
