hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
